It was just one of those days. I sat down at my little desk, pushed into one corner of the office here in Holland. I had arrived bright and early in an attempt to get on the Internet to plan and book next weekend's side trip before my boss came in and realized I don't really ever have anything to do. I was just about through all of the required reservations screens when suddenly the phone rang and I was informed that I was "meant to be in training 10 minutes ago" ... oops. I quickly untied the sneakers that I was still wearing, slid my feet into one of the six pairs of heels hiding in my otherwise empty bottom desk drawer, and headed downstairs to the library.
For the next seven hours I was tortured into near submission, with only sheer will to get me through. No, it wasn't the physical pain one normally associated with torture, it was instead the mental anguish that accompanies the process of actually getting dumber. My "induction" training included such valuable discussions as Why Customers want Good Service, How to fill out a Package Slip, and my personal favorite and the finale of the show What to do if a Coworker is Taken Hostage (including helpful hints like: call the police, don't go near the hostage taker). When it was all over I was left confused, and afraid for any other people who might be put through that in the future but I was determined to put it behind me.
Apparently, their evil plot to make me dumber worked. At 6pm I left my desk and took the elevator down to the first floor where I hope to sneak out the back, equipped with an electronic revolving door. Let me give you some more information about this door, since I've never seen anything like it. It doesn't actually revolve. It is an electronic door that when you swipe your ID allows the door to go 2 "clicks" clockwise putting you onto the street. If you are on the street and attempting to get in then it allows you to go 2 "clicks" counterclockwise allowing you to enter the building.
Ok. Well I swiped my lovely ID card never looking up and was allowed to go 2 "clicks" clockwise only to look up and see a glass wall had been slid across and dead bolted into place blocking my exit. As I mentioned earlier ... this is like no other revolving door you're ever seen. Since I can't get out I instead try to click backwards (counterclockwise). WRONG. The door only clicks COUNTERclockwise if you swipe your card from the outside so I'm trapped. Yes, my dear friends and family your Lisa was trapped in a revolving glass doorway. Until, that is, I could get the attention of some random employee outside who could swipe their card and let me "click" back ... oh but it gets better.
A kind Belgian woman comes along INSIDE and tries to come to my aid by swiping her card and pushing the door. Unfortunately, that simply left me completely in "the dead zone" now, and the door was getting angry. It sensed someone in there and started to swing back and forth 1 click right, 1 click left ... 1 click right, 1 clik left, forcing me to walk back and forth, pacing like a caged lion to avoid the door smacking me on the head. And by now the crowd has gathered ... looking on in awe at the trapped American in the glass revolving door. Pointing and discussing how on earth to get me out all the while the angry door swings back and forth trying to cleanse itself of me. Feeling the beginnings of a panic attack coming on I found myself starting to gasp a bit just as a beautiful security guard approached with a magical and wondrous key to free me. And how was I to know it was only the beginning of my evening's surprises?
The walk home was uneventful. I stopped at grocery store, and even finally found some stamps (finally)! I got home tired and in a bad mood. Looking forward to an evening of cooking and relaxing I changed into my pjs and unpacked my groceries. I was 90% through cooking my pasta and sauce when the doorbell rang, immediately followed by someone entering and yelling "I'm coming in with a housemaid". I immediately thought, "what an odd time to bring in a cleaning service?" while I desperately tried to clean the disaster that was this tiny kitchen. But when the "housemaid" was introduced to me it became horribly clear that she was hear to stay. Yup, this lovely day was to be accompanied by the arrival of a housemate to my previously empty apartment. Now my food is smoking and I'm running all over the apartment trying to collect dirty clothes from the bathroom floor and everything else that had accumulated in my 2 weeks there. Could my day get worse?
Apparently yes, although at least I got a good laugh from it. As I sat downstairs watching the conclusion of "American Princess" (do you guys get that over in the states?). I hear this pounding and banging from upstairs. All I could think was, I hope she's not always this noisy --when suddenly "LISA!! LISA!!" came from the top floor (glad she remembered my name, because I was so confused at the time I missed hers -- yes I'm living with the "unnamed Dutch girl"). Anyway, I go upstairs to find my brand new housemate trapped in the bathroom. Oops. She'd broken the key off in the door. Yes, it was 9pm and my brand new housemate was trapped in the bathroom, and all I wanted in the entire world was to go, relax and see who was to move on to the next round of the "American Princess" selection process. Instead, the "housemaster" was called in and useing a hammer and chisel, removed the entire lock rendering the door powerless. "Free at last" (I knew how she felt).
1 comment:
Although I had to laugh at your description of the revolving prison, I really wonder if you ever considered how your remarks about the "Induction" might make the people in the EFSS feel about their work.
Not very intelligent to bite the hand that is feeding you. In the future you might want to consider making it all a bit less recognizable.
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