CHARLOTTE. A Dating Life.

I'm being stalked by eHarmony.

If a man ever sent me this many emails by now I would have a restraining order, but the problem is I'm leading Dr Neil Clark Warren on. He sends me an email with ... "WE FOUND YOUR MATCH!!!!" and with that many exclamation points I can't help but open it.
Once they see that I peeked they know at some point I will be: drunk, recently rejected, and on email ... it's the eharmony "perfect storm". Then they will have me. I will happily, desperately, hand over my credit card information and dole out the a minimum $60 / month to be able to "nudge" my perfect match.

However, the more I play "hard to get" the harder Neil looks for matches for me, and the more desperate the search becomes ... it's been 2 months and Neil's gotten more and more vague about what these matches could possibly have in common with me and they seem to live farther and farther out into the North Carolina countryside (read: the hills) and I don't mean The Hills with capitals and a great opening theme song, I mean the hills where Dairy Queen and Waffle House are considered gourmet.

A recent match:
Billy Joe (48) 4'4" self-employed,

Billy Joe likes walks down his driveway to get the mail on Tuesdays, lives with his mama and spends most days washing windows for tips at the local gas station.

Billy Joe says: "I'm looking for a woman who can move in and take care of me and mama. I ain't got time for no fatties, and I'd like her to have teeth. I don't want a woman with more then 4 of her own children."

The three things friends would say about Billy Joe:
literate,
good with a gun,
once traveled to Memphis.

Things he can't live without:
his mama,
NASCAR,
running water, and
beer.

Wow, thanks Neil that's hard to resist but for now, I'm still sober and somehow I think I'm going to have to pass.